You are worthy
You are here, right now, after all. After all the opportunities any of a hundred different gods have had to smite you, here you remain.
I can imagine it's disorienting to realize the line you've been waiting in wasn't necessary to get here. Like a new checker at the grocery waving you over. I imagine part of you is still back there, waiting, just in case this isn't real.
Or maybe it's hard to accept. Would you be upset if you realized that everything you'd done to be worthy was unnecessary? Do you get frustrated when you look all over to find your sunglasses on your head, then throw them away in anger and go into the bright sun just to spite yourself?
No! So why do you resist worthiness?
Perhaps it's because self-hatred feels like the love you think you deserve. Perhaps you secretly relish the destructive gaze you hold upon yourself. Or maybe it's your way out of loneliness. "Help me, save me!" Someone ought to show up, right? And if they don't, well, I guess that just goes to prove you aren't lovable after all.
Or is it that your unworthiness has been in the shadows? What does it feel like to admit its existence, to speak its truth?
"I don't believe I am worthy of human connection because I am bad for everyone who meets me."
Is it shameful to admit these secrets we try to keep from ourselves? Let us pass through the shame of the possibility that there is truth in the feeling, just long enough to behold its utter comedy.
Bad for literally everyone, hm? The postal worker who delivers your mail? The teacher you had in kindergarten? The friends and family who invite you to stay at their homes as you wander the globe in search of something you cannot name? The people who love you.
Let the comedy give way to the tragedy you've been resisting. The years, the possible lives you might have had, lost to pain and fear. The weight a sadness deeper than jokes alone can shoulder. Pass through the shame of not having already changed–there is no change on this side of it. Accept what you must to behold yourself.
And so you are worthy.